Don’t be a doormat. Set and HOLD those boundaries
Boundaries can be hard to set in life. Even harder to hold. And in truth, I’ve found that in business, it’s not any easier.
Whether it’s holding a boundary for the scope of work you agreed to (and were compensated for). Or it’s holding a boundary to your required 30-day notice for termination of services. Both are completely reasonable for your business to thrive and grown, but they can be hard to enforce when the time comes.
I shouldn’t say that this is difficult for everyone. Because it’s not. Take my husband for example. He 100% does not have a struggle with holding someone to the expectation that has already been set. He doesn’t have a single issue with saying “this is my boundary I’ve communicated with you, I will not step over that line”.
And I will be honest, it makes me CRAZY that it’s so easy for him. Because boundaries do NOT come that easily for me.
So if you are more like me, read on friend.
I have three stories of my own struggle with boundaries that may sounds familiar. I share these not to glorify it but to say this is a COMMON struggle and a skill that you CAN get better at.
Bad boundary story #1
This was with my very first client. They were fabulous. They genuinely took a chance on me as I was just starting out in my VA/SMM business full time. I did more general virtual assistant tasks at the time and there were a lot of things they would ask me to help with along the way. I had ZERO boundaries. I wouldn’t tell them no and it ended up leading me to tasks that I didn’t want to do AND filling more of my time than was contracted for. I did this because I was AFRAID of them leaving me. Of failing. But more on that on that later.
Bad boundary story #2
This was with a client I worked with about a year into me running my business full time. They came to me not really know what they needed to help their business grow. I was clearer on my deliverables and on the services I would provide (I had moved away from general VA tasks and was embracing social media strategy more fully). However, because they weren’t focused and didn’t have the other help they needed I was continually being pulled into tasks that were NOT my role. And because they didn’t have the help anywhere else, I felt obligated to find a way to make it work. But more on that later.
Bad boundary story #3
Finally, there’s the story with a more recent client. Truthfully they were horrible to myself and my team. As a service provider I was determined for a period of time to make it work. I often operate under the belief that with a little time and kindness, I can shift any interaction. However, in this case the interactions just kept getting worse. The lack of maintained boundaries was going to lead to me losing team members.
In the first story, I allowed fear to keep me from setting boundaries. In the second it was obligation. And finally in the third I initially couldn’t see that this client was out of alignment with the values of my business. And here is how we address all three.
Doing things out of fear will NEVER lead to growth or peace. Boundaries are important here for LONGEVITY.
Doing things out of obligation or with a lack of skill will always keep you stuck right where you are. Boundaries are important here for narrowing your focus.
Doing things that are out of alignment with WHO you are and WHERE you’re going will ultimately break your business. Boundaries are important here because without them you will lose.
So here are a few questions to ask yourself when your are setting boundaries
What are my time constraints?
What are the tasks I’m willing to perform?
What are my communication requirements?
What do I need for payment/compensation?
When will I take a break?
When will I log off?
When will I say “I don’t do that?”
Are this persons interactions respectful?
Can I lead or guide this person to a different type of interactions? (Do this one with caution)
Having an outside perspective can be so helpful when recognizing boundaries that need to be set and then knowing the steps to take in setting them. And that is where the voice of a coach comes in! Use the button below to schedule a coaching discovery call with me and let me help you become better at boundaries!
